Un-Me

Failure
How do you deal with it?
Do you even deal with it?
Or do you ignore it?
What do you exactly do with it?
Does it haunt you?
I need an answer.
Because
I am constantly failing,
At everything,
Fucking everything,
I am failing,
At being myself,
I cannot really see myself clearly,
To be true,
It’s all blurry,
I am failing to see myself,
I am all over the place
It’s not a mess,
It’s a filthy web that I call myself now,
How do I even deal with myself at this stage,
I have Three companions,
Helplessness,
Stress,
Nothingness,(A Deep Mr. Void)
I cannot say no to them,
You see,
They are my only companions,
I have literally,
Lost all,
Respect and dignity,
For myself in my eyes,
Let alone others,
I am at loss,
Of words,
When I have to describe myself,
There is a blockage,
Inside me,
It wont let me do anything,
I am lagging behind,
Into nothingness;
I was a front bench student,
Who used to be a topper once,
And now look at me,
I cannot even recognize,
what I was,
Or,
Who I was,
At one point of time,
This is just not me,
I am lost somewhere,
Between,
Trying too hard,
Or,
Not at all,
When I think of future,
I don’t see myself anywhere,
I wanted to accomplish something,
Till 24,
It was my only dream,
What I used to call my religion,
And look at me,
Just look at me,
And I am nothing but a wrecking piece of flesh and blood put together by force,
I started with a destination in my mind,
And amidst this web called society and its discourses I lost everything I had,

And a plan that I knew as the back of my hand,
I lost my will,
My will to do anything,
I lost it…
With no hope of getting it back,
I dont even want to try,
I give up.